Disclaimer: the following post is written by a KMB team member about her personal experience with sex, sex and marriage, how sex changes after kids, and other topics as they relate to sex. The views and opinions in this post are purely and entirely the author’s and neither KMB nor the author claim to be an expert on the subject matter.
I guess my story begins in high school. Back in the days of “True Love Waits.” Back when Friends was the worst thing on television and PG-13 still meant PG-13.
I took my church life seriously. Maybe a bit too seriously. And while that religious legalism paled in comparison to the freedom and grace that I learned in my adult life, it was a good foundation for a young, boy-crazy, hormonal teenager. It kept my feet solid when my heart tended to float WAY up in the clouds.
There are things I regret about my teenage years, but wrestling my ‘religiousness’ into a real, genuine, grace-filled faith is not one of them.
And one of the absolute best things that came out of this era was a passion to wait until I was married before having sex. There were confusing lines all around me. But on this one point, there was no question. There was no compromise.
I just wasn’t going to do it.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t flirt or date or kiss or cross every line I could possibly cross without crossing THE LINE. I was a girl with very real feelings and very real hormones. And unfortunately, as there most often is, I had crap going on beneath the surface that only found soothing in having a boyfriend and feeling ‘loved.’ But through it all there was no sex.
And I was 100% okay with that.
I wasn’t worried about being uncomfortable on my wedding night. I didn’t care about feeling awkward in bed. The thought of “trying things out” with other guys nauseated me. Sex was a precious gift. It was such a deep, intimate, soul-joining gift…why would I ever want to share that with anyone other than the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with? So I waited…
there he was.
After more than a decade of waiting and praying and trusting, God lavished this surprise blessing on me. And on my wedding night I got to share my gift for the very first time.
In that very moment (because you always remember that moment) this is what I learned:
It was absolutely, 100%, without a doubt worth the wait.
In fact, in that moment I wished I had waited with a little more restriction. I wished I had never ever given my heart or my kisses or my tears or my love to anyone else. He was the only one I had wanted all along. Only him. And he was worth it.
If comparison is the thief of joy, then my joy is a treasure that will never be lost.
All I’ve ever known is my husband. I share my bed (and my mind) with no one else. It’s all him. He gets to write my sex story. We’ve had frustrating seasons, awkward situations, funny stories, wonderful moments. But every one of those memories is with him and him alone. There is no comparison because there is no one to compare him with. He is my perfect sex partner.
Marriage is so much more than sex, and Sex is so much more than sex.
I learned that sex was merely one component of marriage, but boy was it a big one! Because in my choice for purity I also set a precedent for myself as a wife. By remaining faithful to him before marriage, I was choosing to also remain faithful to him after marriage. By choosing to not have a history with any other guys, I was choosing to help him feel secure and confident in our exclusive intimacy. My choice to wait was a commitment to show him that he is as loved and desired by me now (and in the future) as he was on the pages of my heart so long ago. So much more than just sex.
One day my children will need to make their choice.
They will wrestle with the decision to either save sex for marriage or to give it away. And while I can’t make that decision for them, I will have my story to share. I will have a testimony of patience and self-control and trust. A story of true love waiting for my wedding night, and all of the benefits thereafter. They will see my heart and my body fully devoted to my husband. And in a world that says something very different about sex, they will have a living, breathing, example of the joy that can come from waiting.
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