You give me cause for love that I can’t hide
For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide
Because you’re mine, I walk the line.
So maybe Johnny Cash wasn’t signing about motherhood, but he very well could have been. With lines about having eyes open all the time and always being on my mind, these words go straight to the heart of mothering.
The line I walk is still related to love, but it’s a different kind of love than Johnny meant. I walk the line between work I love and the love I have being a mom.
You see, I’m a work from home mom.
As a freelance writer, I set my schedule and hours, which sounds lovely and envy-inducing, until you think about the repercussions of freelance work (inconsistent income) and the constraints on your mind that come from setting your own schedule. When I’m working and on a deadline, I feel terribly guilty for not spending more time with my kids. When I’m playing with my kids, I still hold that deadline in the back of my mind, worrying whether I’ve blocked enough time to not only get the work complete, but also allowing extra for any technical difficulties that like to pop up at the least opportune time.
My goal was always to be home when the children were home, and pre-kid me always pictured that as after school. But that version of me forgot about the years before the rigorous schedule of elementary school, and that’s where I struggle. Summer amplifies this even more. Their need for attention and snacks multiplies in the summer, and I find myself struggling to help facilitate a wonderful summer for them while also maintaining some semblance of my work life.
As if the general struggle of working as a mom weren’t enough, working from home adds numerous complications.
One, I’m chasing my passion when I’m working. How can I justify denying them the attention they crave so I can selfishly pursue my dream? (This is the part where I remind myself of all the attention they receive, which is plenty, and that they don’t need constant entertainment.) Secondly, I have the added stressor of working in their home zone, because we all know that an office door in their home means about as little as the bathroom door — they barge in whenever they ‘need’ me.
Finally, I have societal perceptions to deal with. Working moms see me as a stay at home mom, and stay at home moms see me as a working mom, and I find myself floating in the no man’s land of parenting. I don’t have a label that matches the standards, and have a hard time as a result. When a working mom says she doesn’t know how I stay home all day, I can’t help but flinch; I’m working part of that time, and her comment just negated my work.
While there is obviously some emotional struggle of parenting and working in the same space, I’ve found plenty of wonderful benefits. I get to be the mom I dreamed of being, of being present and available when they (for real) need me. I get to take them to fun mid-day events and plan my schedule around the Turkey Trot so I can cheer them on.
While walking this line has its challenges, I’ve discovered some ways to find my balance in this uncharted terrain:
- Schedules are a lifesaver: Doing certain tasks certain days, like Library Tuesdays or swimming on Mondays, helps my kids get the undivided attention they crave and alleviate my guilt.
- Embrace naps and screen time: I get so much more done when I align my work time with their screen time or nap (depending on age).
- Compromise: If I’ve had to work an unexpected amount in one day, I’ll bring the kids in to help make dinner (something they love, but that I often use as my decompression time, listening to music while cooking), spend extra time with them while they’re in the bath, or bake a special treat together.
- Being interrupt-able: Sometimes someone needs a bottom wiped or help with a difficult word in a book, and I have to be willing to be interrupted. Being stopped mid-thought-flow can be frustrating, especially when writing these thoughts down is literally your job, but being accessible is the only way I can work from home.
- Utilize travel time: If we’re in the car for more than ten minutes, I try and play a podcast (I love But Why from Vermont Public Radio, available on the NPR One app) to both entertain and discuss something educational with them. If we’re on a short drive, then we’ll play I Spy or just chat about our days. Giving them my attention in the car is a simple way to connect with them, especially on busy days.
Once school begins again and my youngest begins Pre-K, my work from home life will be simplified into the hours they’re at school. Summer will always be a little harder, but it’s ultimately worth it to walk that line, to be the example they need to see of a mama embracing who she is and chasing her dream.
