Being a “Good” Mom Made Me a Bad Friend

Good Mom Bad Friend

I’m not saying I was the kind of mother who refused to leave my child’s side to spend time with friends…in some ways, that would have been more admirable. I was the kind of mother who let the love others had for my child dictate my friendships.

Being a new mom, thrust into the world of parenthood before your friends, is slightly unbearable. You expect everyone to love your child as much you do, but it’s quite unreasonable, and it’s taken me a while to come to terms with that. Being a “good” mom made me a bad friend.

There was the friend I lost touch with after I received a comment about sharing too many baby photos on Facebook (y’all, I do, I really do). I was beyond appalled over the bluntness, and I was willing to let the loss of a friendship be dictated by…the truth?

And in addition to the truth, I couldn’t handle disappointment. One of my very best friends unintentionally broke my heart after not showing up to my daughter’s first birthday party. Call me sensitive (I am), but I really wanted her to be there. Because the then and there was obviously so much more important than the here and now for my daughter?

The craziest moment of all? When I mailed a newly-pregnant friend a care package of things, and never got a thank you. Unfriend. And to think of all of the new mom club advice we could have exchanged in lieu of postage.

Are you getting the picture? What is it about motherhood that made me insane? What am I supposed to tell my daughter years from now when we’re looking back through my old photos and she asks who these women were? “Well, you see darling, your mom had all of these pretty cool friends, but then she had you…and a temporary lapse in sanity and good judgment.”

Out of all of the upsides to being a parent, this seems to be my downfall…holding ridiculous grudges for people who offend my motherhood. Ultimately, I cannot blame the love I have for my daughter on letting these friendships slip away; I only have my own stubbornness and sensitivity to blame. And even though I miss these friendships everyday, my greatest regret isn’t in losing these friends.  My regret is that I’m setting a pretty terrible example for my daughter on lessons in friendship.

But as they say, the first step to solving a problem is recognizing that you have a problem. So I must commit to realizing I’m not being a “good” mom by being a bad friend. Instead, I need to be a great mom by being actually being a friend, a friend that can overlook bluntness, excuse necessary absences and forgive the insignificant oversights in life.

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