When you’re growing up as an adolescent girl and young adult, there are certain things that are so embarrassing and/or repulsive to you that you swear silently and ferociously to yourself that you will NEVER do them. No matter what. You have standards, by gosh, and there are just certain things that no self-respecting woman would do.
But then you have children.
And there are times when you are hanging on by a thread. You don’t remember your own name, much less your ridiculously high standards from yester-year. And you start to do things that maybe you normally wouldn’t do. You let loose a little. Or a lot. You throw caution to the wind, and before you know it, you are your own mother or grandmother, or other female figure and you just don’t give a care what anyone else thinks of you.
Since I’ve become a mother, there are 5 things that I have done, that I SWORE I would never do:
1. I’ve officially plucked a chin hair in public.
I can’t believe I just typed those words. But it’s true. It happened the other day at lunch; I was eating in my car on my lunch break, enjoying the sweet sound of…silence, when I felt one of those pesky little boogers. I’ve always had a stray hair or two to deal with, but since my pregnancy it’s gotten a little out of control. I’m constantly battling this nonsense, so I’ve started to carry tweezers in my purse for emergencies. But the bathroom at my office has really poor lighting, so when I found myself in full noon-day sun in my car, with no husband or baby around to divert my attention, I simply couldn’t resist the temptation to tweeze.
My mom used to do this while traveling at high speeds down the highway. I would cower in the backseat, terrified that someone would see. I never in a million years thought I would be sitting in a 5 Guys parking lot 20 years later doing the exact same thing.
2. I’ve gone to work with feces in my hair.
Now, I have to admit, this isn’t really something I swore I’d never do because saying you will never leave home with feces in your hair is unnecessary. It’s just a given. But still, it is not something I ever thought would be a thing. Until I had a baby. And now I know that it is actually quite common and really IS a thing and it needs to be addressed. So yeah. Poop in my hair. At work. It was awesome.
3. I’ve become a flake who can never make it anywhere on time.
This one used to really annoy me. I could not understand why on earth my mom friends suddenly became total flakes the moment they gave birth. Now, of course, I understand that the simple act of leaving the house requires hours of careful planning and must be orchestrated down to the split second so as not to interrupt baby’s eating and nap schedules. An hour-long outing to Target or to meet a friend for lunch could easily consume an entire day. And forget about getting anywhere on time. Even if I over-prepare and give myself tons of extra time, there will still be a last minute blowout or something else that will make me late. I get it now. And I agree that most of the time, it’s really not worth the trouble. I still love my friends dearly, and I make time for them as much as I can, but I have had to cut way back on my social life just to preserve my own sanity.
4. I’ve made leggings a wardrobe staple.
I used to mock women who wore leggings. “Those aren’t real pants,” I’d think smugly to myself when I saw someone sporting them. Umm, yes. Yes, they are. And they are heaven on earth for a postpartum Mama who can’t quite fit into her pre-pregnancy clothes but who desperately needs to NOT wear maternity clothes anymore or she will lose all self-worth. So leggings are where it’s at.
But I do have two very strict rules: 1. NO skin colored leggings — because that’s just gross. And 2. Leggings must always be accompanied by a shirt long enough to cover my behind. This is non-negotiable no matter how many kids I have or how sleep deprived I become.
5. I talk incessantly about all things MOM.
Breastfeeding, diapering, daycare…I just can’t help myself. I find myself having entire conversations about my son’s bowel movements or which highchair is best. Sometimes, it’s like I’m standing outside of myself observing this behavior, shocked at the words that are coming out of my mouth, but totally unable to stop them.
And not only do I talk about this stuff, but I’m one of those moms who whips her phone out to every stranger on the street to show them a photo of the latest cute thing my kid has done. My friends and co-workers have started to run for cover when they see me coming, because they know they’ll have to ooh and ahh and, while sometimes they love to see new photos, let’s face it, sometimes they’re just not into it. But I’m the one who doesn’t read the clues when it comes to photos or stories about my baby. There is no end to the stories I will tell or the photos I will share if I can somehow just get you cornered with no chance for escape.
I swore I’d never be one of those moms, but here I am. So sue me.
Y’all. The scary part is that I’m only 8 MONTHS into motherhood and I’ve already let myself go this much. God only knows what will be next. If I start wearing fanny packs and mom jeans or decide to stop coloring my gray hair, I’m gonna need an intervention!