The Connection {Birth Stories Series}

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julie birth story (450x600)Lots of moms think about it…but it’s such a taboo topic.

What if I don’t “feel it” like I should?

What if I don’t make “the connection”?

What if this alien, the one who has made you sick and exhausted and has literally tried to kick it’s way out for the last 9 months, remains just that…an alien…forever??

That intense, emotional – and yes, full-of-expectations – minute where you meet your sweet baby for the first time.

If you’ve had one (or more!), you probably know what I’m talking about.  If you’re pregnant…or dreaming…you might have some of the same fears.

I did.

To give you a little background, my husband and I were part of a fun “club.”  We were the crazy ones…the ones who drove our families and friends nuts (and even ourselves just a teeny tiny bit)…the ones who didn’t find out the sex of either of our children until they each made their own (fairly low-maintenance, I am thrilled to admit) entrance into the real world.  Oh and by the way, we did this voluntarily.

ultrasound

We didn’t know ANYTHING about this baby – other than when “it” should be arriving, the fact that “it” usually had a heart rate in the mid 150s, and that “it” was measuring a few days ahead.  We didn’t know what color (or if any!) hair, we’d never seen this sweet child smile; heck, we didn’t really even narrow down our list of potential names until my epidural had long-since been administered.

(Well, that’s a lie. In my own head, I’d decided on a “blue name” months ago!! And a “pink name” just in case…but don’t tell!!)

Sidenote —  in my husband’s family everybody has two boys. It’s just a fact.  He is one of two boys, so is his dad, and his dad, and pretty much like that on up the line.  So, it had basically been pre-ordained.  — Ok, sidenote over.

During my daydreams, I’d think about this baby boy (no gut feeling on this one, I just started believing what everyone was telling me)…what he’d look like, what his little voice would sound like, and I almost just went ahead and started a Pinterest board for the baseball team snacks I knew I’d be preparing.  And while I loved my baby before I knew who “it” was, what would it really be like?

As my due date drew nearer, I was less concerned about the actual delivery part, and more apprehensive about that minute that they were going to put him on my chest and I was supposed to fall madly and deeply in love with this creature I’d just laid eyes on for the very first time in my entire life.  Was it really going to happen immediately?  Was I weird or bad if it didn’t?  How much could I honestly process all at once?

And ladies (guys?), here’s the best part about life.  It’s different for all of us.  WE are all different.  Just like my baby (not surprisingly, a BOY!!!) was born with a full head of dark hair – and one mom down the hall had a cue-ball-bald baby, and another had a blondie – my feelings at that minute were totally different than yours.  And yours.  And yes, yours too!

There might not have been fireworks, I didn’t hear a swell of instrumental music.  The world kind of went silent, and just like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day.  I loved him right away, but we had only just met.  I didn’t know which one of his cries meant he was hungry.  That part took time.

But know this – that connection? The one “they” talk about?  It’s there.  You might feel it right away, or you might not…but you will.  And you’ll never be the same.

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Julie
Back when I graduated from the University of Tennesse {GO Vols!!}, I never thought that one day I’d be working a full time job, getting to raise two amazing kiddos with a pretty great husband, oh and by the way starting a small custom gifts business out of our house {Check out Two Blooms!} I grew up in the Buckeye state, and between college and now, my husband Chris and I did a brief stint in the Windy City. Living in downtown Chicago was amazing, but it has made me appreciate Knox-vegas even more! There are so many things to do and see here, and we are always on the go enjoying activities and trying to keep our little guy, Collier, and sweet girly-girl, Emerson, entertained. Just like my scatter-brain, I’m looking forward to sharing all sorts of great random tips, tricks and finds with other mamas in Knoxville. We’re all sharing this crazy life together – and that’s the part of being a mom that’s the most fun for me!

2 COMMENTS

  1. Great post! I (gasp!) didn’t get that “feeling” until a few hours after my son was born. I was exhausted and excited, but didn’t get that whole connection thing. Then, a few hours later, I remember calling my hubby who was home taking a shower, just sobbing. I said, “I just fell in love.” And it’s grown every minute of every day since then!

  2. I remember being so overwhelmed and half way in shock that I had a baby to take care of…or that they were actually going to let me leave with the baby. Thanks for sharing your story Julie!

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