2012 was a rough year for me. I faced cancer and inevitably the inability to have any more children. You can read more about here. I have two children of my own, one boy and one girl. I am blessed beyond measure that I have my children. Still, the ability to have more kiddos being taken away from you is hard no matter what your family looks like.
It is a tangible, grieve-able thing. It is real. If that is where you are, I get it and I am so sorry.
About a year after I finished chemo, I felt a gentle pull on my heart that our family was supposed to grow. Over time, the gentle pull became more of a sharp tug and I could no longer ignore it. I felt God stirring the idea of adoption in my heart. I prayed about it regularly. I chose not to pressure my husband about it because I felt that if we were truly supposed to adopt, there would be a stirring in him as well. One evening at a romantic dinner…at Steak ‘n Shake…(because it’s cheap and yummo, duh) my husband, Robbie, paused between bites of his greasy burger and said,
“Kate, I don’t think our family is complete. I really feel that we are being called to adopt.”
I put down my ginormous diet Coke at the news and began openly weeping in the middle of Steak ‘n Shake. It was quite the scene, but I could not contain my heart’s explosive joy.
Robbie and I spent time researching all of our options. We settled in on the idea of a domestic adoption because we have two kids and traveling to another country for long periods of time wasn’t really feasible for us. We attended an informational meeting at Bethany Christian Services and ended up choosing to use them for our adoption. We have also chosen to pursue infant adoption and are very open as far as what we are willing to consider. You actually have to specify everything from age, race, multiples, special needs, drug exposure, prenatal care, awareness of the father, and so on. It feels super weird to ‘yes’ and ‘no’ things like that. We have chosen to put our kiddos first when making these specifications and in using that as our compass, we feel peace in the choices we have made.
There is a whole lot that goes into preparing for an adoption.
For one, you have to make a photo-book all about your family and life, which is presented to biological moms as they consider an adoptive family. No pressure at all. Then there’s the paperwork, which requests information from basically every aspect of your life. I actually had to ask my oncologist to write a letter to the agency confirming that I truly am cancer-free and not at risk for a short life expectancy because of my past diagnosis. Then came our home walk through as the final part of the process and after that, we are wait listed. That is where we are in the process right now.
Stay tuned. It could be 24 hours or two years until I am rocking baby #3.
A note about/to biological mothers: You matter. There is no question of this whatsoever. I do not pretend to know the circumstances surrounding each decision made, but I honor you. Choosing life was not your only option for this child, but you bravely chose it and I adore you for it whether my family is chosen or someone else’s is. You matter!
I love that at Bethany they allow the biological mothers to choose a family. And even more impressively, Bethany offers biological moms free counseling for life. Talk about seeing around corners and meeting needs!
It is very challenging, but I can already tell you that it is worth it.
We are faith-driven people and we truly believe that God wants us to pursue this adoption. We have so much peace in that fact. We also believe that we are not waiting on a baby; we are waiting on our baby, and that little one is worth the wait. That little one is worth everything I went through that has ultimately led me here…cancer and all! In the meantime, we are using this time to prepare our hearts and our children for what lies ahead. We pray daily for our baby and for his/her biological mother. Whoever she is, she is out there!
There are always nerves about handling everything and getting back into baby mode again. What if we aren’t chosen? What if we are and then the biological mother changes her mind? Can we handle three kids? Are we ready for this? Are we good enough parents? It can be overwhelming, but I will leave you with this: We aren’t perfect, but we are willing, and we are able. So here’s to what lies ahead!
Be thankful! If you ever have questions about adoption, message me! I’m happy to help!
My fellow writer, Lauren Morgan, knows the feeling of maternal loss all too well. So much so, that she started Project Gabriel Hope for those who have experienced miscarriage, infant, and maternal loss. For more info on Project Gabriel, click here.
For more info on Bethany Christian Services, click here. Informational meetings every 3rd Thursday of the month.