October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
It’s a big day to many of us mamas — the mamas who are in a special club that we never wanted to be a part of. Our club is an exclusive one. You don’t get an invite; you just have something really bad happen and it automatically puts you in the club — the “we have lost a baby” club.
Five years ago I didn’t know there was any significance to October 15th. It wasn’t until we lost our son, that I learned of the date. I’d love to share with you why this date means so much to so many of us.
When you have lost a baby — either through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss — they are gone and you are left with very little. Sometimes there isn’t even an ultrasound picture. Sometimes ultrasound pictures are all you have. For those who lost an infant, their arms are so empty and all of those things they had ready for their little one are just staring back at them, mocking their empty arms.
There is nothing that we moms can do for our babies.
Our babies didn’t live to celebrate their birthdays or develop those memories for us to look back on. Oftentimes moms will have a couple of dates that they remember: the day their baby died, their baby’s due date, their baby’s birthdate. But when you were hoping and planning for a child, coming out with just one or two dates to remember, is just plain hard.
This is part of why October 15th means so much to us moms of loss.
It gives us something to do for our babies. It gives us a way to feel like we are doing something to remember them and celebrate their lives. It gives us another date where we have permission, and maybe some support from others, to share our loss with the world. And that, lovely readers, means the world to us.
If you’re someone who hasn’t lost a baby, take time on the 15th to reach out to someone who you know has. Let them know you’re thinking of them and let them know that you remember their baby. For many of us, our greatest fear is that our babies will be forgotten.
If you’re someone who has lost a baby, we’d love to hear from you! I run an organization for women who have lost a baby and we would love to add your baby’s name to our Remembrance Wall. If you’d like to add your baby, or just have someone to share your story with, email me at [email protected] — I would love to hear from you!
And if you’re in the Knoxville area on the 15th, come join us. For the first time, our community is hosting an event just for those of us who have lost a baby. It will be a lovely time together of remembrance, community, and support.