My husband and I were talking to a friend about how we don’t feel like we have time for each other. We told her things like, “We want to slow down. There are always things to do and people to see. We are go, go, go.” Our friend quickly said, “To be fair, you do have a lot going on. That’s just your life now AND that probably won’t change anytime soon. You have a four year old. You have to MAKE time.”
Like a light bulb, her simple comment put everything into perspective.
This IS one of the busiest times in life. Not only do we have an active preschooler, we are also on the cusp of mid-adulthood. Unlike childhood, the signposts in adulthood aren’t so clear. There are no new teeth, first steps, or under arm hair. Instead adulthood is marked by utilities, insurance, and mortgages. We are making some big steps in our individual lives, married life, and parenting. No more partying ’til you puke…unless it involves a passel of kids and too much candy. Now our focus is on making marriage work and providing a stable, happy home for our kid.
We all have our hustle: go to work, come home, take care of dinner, do the chores, go to bed, and live for the weekend during which we cram in all of the things. We all get into a routine that sometimes we think is unique to us or our family situation. The truth is that what we are going through as new parents is pretty common. It is easy to get caught in the hustle of go, go, go and do, do, do. The trick is how to find balance and make time for each other.
Going back to what my friend said…”You have to MAKE time.” She also challenged us to imagine “what would that time together look like.” Her simple questions helped my husband and I share ideas instead of assume the usual. My husband shared that he would like us to hang out at a coffee shop. I would have never thought that. This weekend, we took a magazine and our to do list to a local fancy coffee shop and had croissants and cappuccino. It was a simple idea; something we have done as individuals but together it felt like we had been transported to France!