The flu took me out last week. As a result, my body is currently exhausted, no specific area more so than my lungs. Not an ideal time to be on my own with three children while my husband is presenting at a conference. Why? Because no one listens to me. And lacking any ability to raise my already ignored voice isn’t doing me any favors.
How is it that I grew these three humans, prayed for them, celebrated them, and spend every day making sure they are comfortable, happy and well cared for, and yet, I’m not sure they are aware I live in our home. I can whisper, scream, repeat myself – no one is listening. I speak nicely — no one listens. I yell — no one listens. I cajole, I beg, I plead – and still, no one listens.
I tell them I love them a million times a day. I wonder if they hear me. I tell them they are special, that they make me proud. And I worry they don’t hear this. Will their memories of me be limited to those times I raised my voice loudly enough to be heard above the constant ruckus? Will the voice in their mind be mine, reiterating for the umpteenth time why they need to do what I say, just because I SAY SO?
I sit and, in the quiet, wonder if they know I’m here some days or nights. I can speak within inches of their precious faces, yet they don’t show any signs of my words making an impact.