Before you start blindly banging away at your keyboard with a slew of hateful obscenities, just know that I didn’t ask for this. I repeat, I DID NOT ask for this.
It happened a few years ago, when I was working as a front desk person at a hotel. I was minding my own business, checking an older gentleman into his room when it happened.
“When are you due?” he inquired.
“Excuse me?” I responded, mentally panicking, hoping I’d heard him wrong.
“When are you due?” he asked again.
Oh. My. God. This really is happening, I remember thinking. I did a quick mental calculation and blurted out something that sounded like it could be a plausible due date. I lied about being pregnant.
It sounds so stupid I know, but I wasn’t exactly prepared for the first time I would get asked if I was pregnant or in my case, when I was due when I WASN’T PREGNANT! I wanted to save us both from an extremely embarrassing moment, and I thought the chances of seeing this gentleman again were slim to none, so who was I really hurting?
But then the questions kept coming. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” “Is this your first child?” “Are you excited or nervous?” Even though the entire encounter probably didn’t last longer than 5 minutes, I thought it was never going to end. I was an impostor. I was an impostor whose self-esteem had just been ravaged and I found myself re-evaluating the empire waist dresses I’ve come to love so much.
Nothing can possibly prepare you for the moment that question comes. Nor should anybody ever have to prepare you for when that moment comes because, c’mon people, it’s the 21st century and OBGYNs should be the ONLY people on the planet allowed to ask that question.
Now, let’s fast forward a few years…
I’m at sitting at a desk, at a completely different employer, methodically typing away at my computer, still rocking an empire waist tunic. A regular client comes in, one that I’ve had several interactions with previously, and I walk over to assist her. I’m in the middle of sorting out her dilemma, when it happens.
“When are you due?” she asked. NOT THIS AGAIN!
“Excuse me?” I ask, knowing that she, as a woman, will hopefully have enough time to think quickly on her feet and reevaluate the question that was asked.
“When are you due? You’re pregnant, right?” NO YOU DIDN’T.
I looked directly at her, shaking my head from side to side. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening.
“You’re not pregnant? Well, this is an insert foot in mouth moment.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. “No, I’m not pregnant. And typically, I make it a habit to NEVER ask that question to any woman unless she is physically pushing babies out in front of me.”
BAM. There it was. No more holding back… Perhaps I have been repressing that response for the last several years in flashbacks from my first encounter with this question. But no matter the reason, the words just spewed forth.
I was mad. Mad that in this day and age, women are STILL being asked this question. And by women at that!
Take a hint. Simply, DO NOT EVER ASK A WOMAN IF SHE IS PREGNANT, EXPECTING OR WHEN SHE IS DUE. If you do, we are not responsible for the consequences.
Have you ever been faced with the same situation? How did you respond? Share with us in the comments!
I worked with a man on a community event committee. He loved to tease and make jokes. Shortly after I married, he saw me and gestured to my midsection while saying “and what is this?” I was so shocked. I managed to come back with, “it’s a sweater.” I was young and it wasn’t my finest moment when I pointed at his protruding middle-aged tummy and said, “and what is this?”
I must have a terrible figure, because it happened again… I was doing sales and a woman came to our store and asked THAT question. I ignored her but she asked again. I said no. She said, “then you must have just had a baby.” I told her my son was 3. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” she asked again. Some people!!!
It happened again, years later at a fast food restaurant. The clerk asked when I was due — just out of the blue. I told her I was not pregnant. She proceeded to tell me she thought I was because of the way I was standing and the fit if my sweater. By this time, I was already mortified because I was surrounded by customers That I knew from my business. So, I figured I had nothing to lose. “That is very hurtful,” I said. I wanted her to understand what she had done. The clerk muttered the words back to me. “Very hurtful,” she said. I finished my transaction, went to my car and balled. It was somewhat comforting to find that after I summoned the courage to return to the restaurant months later, she was no longer there. There is a part of me that hopes she was fired for being a mean idiot.
Happened to me once, it was horrible. I was Christmas shopping at Toys R Us with my husband, for our 2 year old daughter (who wasn’t with us) and some guy looked at my belly and said “Shopping a little early aren’t you?” I said “Ummm, I’m not pregnant, my daughter is 2.” His wife was horrified and dragged him away. Jerk!
While working in retail I had a customer come through my line who I knew. She asked, “Oh, when are you due?!” I responded with, “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat.” You should have seen the look on her face!