5 Tips on Keeping the You and I in Your Marriage

Remember that time before kids when everyone told you to enjoy your time as a couple? That everything changes after children and time is something you don’t have?

There are many different stages of life, and “before kids” and “after kids” is definitely one of those in the journey of parenthood. While you won’t be sleeping in and cuddling all day on a Saturday morning, you will find a love for your children that you had no idea existed. It’s a feeling that can’t be explained, but one that makes your life fuller.

That being said, the “you and I” in your marriage can start to disappear with the hustle and bustle of raising children and just trying to make it through the day-to-day tasks. It’s a season of life but also a season that can make you miss the “us” time you used to have. Little things in life can cause you to resent your spouse or pick fights when in reality it’s all because you miss the attention that the two of you used to give to one another. Marriage itself is hard…full of compromise and actually thinking of someone besides yourself. Add children to the mix, and you’ve just added another stress that your married life hasn’t experienced and for many, the married years without children wasn’t a long span of time.

So what do you do if you find your marriage lost in the shuffle? Here are a few tips on remembering the couple that made the children in the first place.

1) Date Night – I know it’s hard if you don’t have family in town, but this is a “must” for your relationship. Many polls on Facebook that we’ve done show that many of you only get out with your spouse twice a year! This saddens us as we know not only do you need some “me” time but you also need some “just us” time with your spouse. Maybe it’s only for a few hours, but a time where you get dressed and have this special time with your spouse can really be uplifting. It’s also something to look forward when you are having a rough day/week when you know you have this date night planned. It doesn’t even have to be a night activity…if you have a child that cannot go to sleep without you being there, try to plan a day activity. Find a babysitter, use Care.com, ask friends, or ask teachers at your child’s school. The money you spend is SO WORTH IT for you to have this special time with your significant other.

2) Thoughtful Gestures – I know sometimes you feel like your mom brain cannot handle one more task to add to your to-do list. But a thoughtful gesture for your spouse (and also from your spouse!) can really brighten the day. Maybe it’s a favorite meal or dessert, maybe it’s a sweet short email or text, or a simple compliment. I think sometimes while we are in the trenches of raising children we forget to take the time for the small things. It’s amazing how something so small can make a big difference.

3) Getting Out of Your Yoga Pants – I know they are the most comfortable pants and you’ve probably changed shirts four times due to spit up or baby food. BUT have you ever heard the saying, “If you look good, you feel good”? This is SO TRUE! Sometimes making the extra effort to look nice, putting on a little makeup, or going to get your hair done can really make you feel good about yourself. Take that time to get your haircut, get a manicure with a friend, or buy that new eye shadow you’ve had your eye on. Yes, your spouse does love you in your yoga pants, but your spouse also loves seeing you happy. Happy wife equals happy life, no? So take some time to do things that make you feel confident about yourself!

4) Be Intimate – Yes, I know after you’ve had children on you all day, all you want is your body to yourself with no one touching you. It seems children really don’t have respect for a personal bubble. However it’s important to have that intimacy with your other half. We’re not just talking about hanky-panky, but holding hands or sitting all cozy while watching your favorite show. Physical connection is important for both of you!

5) Have a Sense of Humor – Sometimes as we age and become adults (when did that happen?) we become so serious about everything. Obviously with adulthood we have more pressures and more responsibilities, but this shouldn’t inhibit your ability to laugh. Not taking yourself too seriously, not sweating the small stuff, and finding the joy in the small things can make this journey with your spouse more fun. So when your child throws the meal you worked so hard to prepare on the floor or your husband forgot to take the trash out AGAIN, try not to stress yourself out about it. The days are long but the years are fast – so why not enjoy it with a smile on your face? Oh, yes, you’ll still have days you’ll cry and think, “What am I doing?” If those days are not the majority, I call that a win!

Not all lemons can be turned to lemonade and some days the glass just can’t be half-full. Marriage is a tough and complicated beast. But sometimes if we break it down into easy steps and make that extra effort we can make this journey a little more enjoyable.

What are your tips of keeping the “you and I” in your marriage?